Geoff Duncan

Squirrels seem to be very territorial. When a new squirrel turned up in the giant maple tree out front, the three Squirrels In Residence there started chattering and cheeping up a storm, and immediately engaged the forienger in ritual combat involving the classic Run Around Tree While Upside Down, Leap Madly From Limb to Limb, and Stop Instantly To Nibble at Fleas. The contest was some of the best wire work choreography I've seen outside Hong Kong martial arts movies. And my pretty boy Abhi crouched on the windowsill intently through the whole thing, determined there must be some way he can get through the glass, across the roof, and up the tree for some snackage.

For years I've thought electric blankets were silly things, and thought that perhaps wrapping oneself in a low-level electrical field for many hours a day perhaps wasn't a good long-term plan, health-wise. But, lemme tell ya, they sure have their charms when your furnace stops working.

I never realized now disconcerting it could be to have a car from Seattle/King County Public Health parked right in front of your house. (No, Mr. Inspector Man isn't paying a house call here, but perhaps to any of the eateries just down the hill. Been warned about one particular place repeatedly.) I just keep... looking out the windows. Seeing if it's still there. Checking the expiration dates on stuff in the pantry. Scanning the walls for toxic mold. That sort of thing.

And then I realize it's also disconcerting when Mr. Inspector Man returns to his car almost two hours later accompanied by two young women who are not dressed, um... not dressed like civil servants or dressed for the weather. They all get into the car together and drive off.

Netflix should consider changing its name to Pay Good Money to Receive Damaged DVDs in the Mail! I realize it's not a tongue-trippingly memorable monicker, but it's sure more accurate. I'm not a Netflix subscriber—I don't actually own a DVD player—but of five known-to-be-Netflix-supplied DVDs whose playback I've witnessed to date, two have had playback problems, and two others were effectively unusable. The worst was one of my cartoons, so I'm miffed. Cartoons are serious business 'round here.

Of course, the other DVD put me to sleep. Ah, what the heck: I'll blame Netflix for that too!

The woman in line behind me at Costco was buying enormous amounts of powdered breakfast drinks, Equal sugar substitute, and... bleach. If I hear about someone being hospitalized for drinking bleach-laced liquid breakfasts, I'm calling a crime-stopper tip line for some reward money. I could be a big help to a sketch artist.

My library card arrived in the mail. Hurray!