Geoff Duncan

Most people look forward to summer, and even I enjoy the longer days. Or, more specifically, I enjoy the longer dawns and twilights, when the ordinary can be rendered exquisite by unexpected turns of light.

But I've never been thrilled with the flat-out heat of summer. The season has its peculiar annoyances which, when you encounter them again for the first time in a new year, make my mood, attitude, and outlook crash to the ground. No, not again. Please—weren't we done with that?!

The first wasp's nest. The first unintentional sunburn. The first night after taking the heavy blankets off the bed. The first mosquito bite. The first overheard conversation of kids talking about college acceptance letters. The first large, hairy, sweaty, nearly topless man walking past in flip-flops who pushes you out of his way. (SquishSlap. SquishSlap. SquishSlap.) And...

The. First. Ice. Cream. Truck. With. The. Loud. Annoying. Children's. Song. Repeating. Endlessly.

It's enough to make me join the NRA. Because, right now, if I had a gun, I'd use it.